To The SAHM Who Feels She Is Failing

There is no rule book for the stay at home moms. Everyone has different ideas of what a stay at home should do. What her house should look like. Some assume the children of an SAHM should behave a certain way. All the expectations are erroneous. We should never hold others to our own personal standards.

I would write a cleaning post today but it would be wrong. Right now my house is a mess. The mess is not my fault either but because the housework is my responsibility I am at fault. We know that is crap. Yet we always deem ourselves responsible even though not everything is our fault.

Every once a while you’ll read a nice blog post from a well-intentioned mom blogger or writer. Who is trying to reassure as we are not failing. There is a meme on Facebook. I cannot find it as of now. The point was kids grow fast so let the vacuuming go. I hate how we shame mothers for having dirty homes. When a mother that wants to keep up with the messes we shame her too.

The unspoken part of motherhood is that once you’re a stay at home mom you’re held to harsh and varying standards. It can be overwhelming. You will never please everyone. Your mother-in-law or your own mother may add to the stress with unsolicited advice. Yet, the harshest critic is yourself or your spouse.

People say being a stay home moms is not a real job and we shouldn’t ask for people to recognize what we do as valid work. That we should not need help. The list goes on there are plenty of crappy misconceptions. What we do is valuable. If we were not here raising our kids, cooking, cleaning, and the other million things we do. We would not pay someone else to step in for us. There’s a reason daycare, cleaning ladies, and Amazon Prime Now grocery delivery exist.

Your house will never be perfect because you will clean one mess and another one will pop right back up. When you get caught up with the laundry, a kid will clean their room and dump more laundry in the hamper. You will never win if you must get everything done every day. Never hold yourself to other’s standards.

The reality is we are the ones that are home all day and we’re on the front lines. We are stopping to help our kids with their homework or changing diapers. Little things happen during the day. You might have intended on doing something. Because life gets in the way some things we intend on doing today won’t happen and which is disappointing.

Mom will come in last a lot. To meet one of your basic needs like eating or sleeping you will neglect something else. You should never feel bad for that. Do the best you can try to steal a moment to decompress. If the dishes are more important well, then wash them.

Cut yourself some slack and do what is important to you. Sometimes your family no matter how hard you try will not pitch in. So sometimes you got to say eff it. Standing on your feet for an extra twenty minutes may mean the sink won’t overflow with dishes. But that also means you’re on your feet for another twenty minutes.

I am sick and hoped someone would lend a hand. My sink is overflowing with dirty dishes. Guess who did those dishes? I did. Sometimes like I said you won’t win and having to do those dishes took time away from something else. In my case I should lie down. Some days you get lucky and someone else will do those dishes.

Life as a stay at home mom is hard. Sometimes your house stays clean for weeks even months. You will go through periods where you cannot keep up. You will go through periods where you’re winning. And periods where you are certain you’re a terrible mother.

Sometimes you will vent and people will say oh you sound depressed. Maybe you are. Perhaps you are not but not being able to keep up up does not equate you having a problem. Sh*t happens. Kids make messes.

No one says this. Our culture has a skewed view of motherhood. Most stay at home moms are thought of as overwhelmed and cannot keep her house clean and so on. Motherhood is a weird. You worry about another human beings bowel movements. You will touch their snot or barf with your bare hands. We do so many amazing things for these human beings we never give ourselves credit for. Yet the messes they make can make us seem like we suck.

I am suffering from the flu and should be in bed unconscious. My house is a mess and I must get it together and get up and clean. Thursday I slept for an hour and forty-five minutes according to my Fitbit. After being up all night coughing someone woke me up minutes after I fell asleep and puked on me. I do not get a break. It’s part of being a parent. If you try to vent many people have no sympathy.

Society has little sympathy for parents. Often on Facebook moms will hear they should have thought before having children. Or they will call you selfish. If a nanny or Daycare worker worked while sick people would be up in arms. My point is being a parent is hard.

Parenthood is even harder when you are the one who stays home and everything falls on you. The perception of an SAHM is wrong. Many perceive we sit on our butts all day and we do not need help or a break from our children. That what we do is not work. What we are doing is the hardest job anyone can do. As moms we have no rights, you are always on even if you are sick.

You do the best you can and forget everyone else. We go through periods where the house will be messy. But no one should berate you for having a messy home. If anyone says anything about your home, tell them where you keep the cleaning supplies. Tell them you clean first then you’re entitled to an opinion.

We stay at home moms need to set people straight. Do not worry when people interject. Remarking on parenting skills or the state of a home is a breach of proper etiquette. The only thing you need to do is take care of your kids and yourself and forget everyone else. 

To The Stay At Home Mom Who Feels Like She Is Failing. #motherhood #momlife #SAHM #SAHMlife #parenting