Another Mom Shaming Blog Post. Just Read It.
It seems like mom shaming is a trend that’s been around forever. My eldest is almost twenty-one, so I’ve been doing this for quite some time. Mom-shaming has been around pretty much since people had opinions, but it’s spiraling out of control.
For example, 1990s people wouldn’t say anything to you about your parenting choices or shame you. It was more about intervening if a parent was screaming at their kids in public or helping mom with a screaming baby by offering to hold the baby.
If someone were completely wrong or inappropriate, sometimes someone would say something, but back then fewer people were likely to get involved. It's rude to tell a stranger how to live their lives.
Mom-shaming was just an annoying but well-meaning person telling you your child should be potty trained by now or someone overstepping their bounds, but usually, it wasn’t a complete stranger
Because the Internet has become such a huge part of our lives, we just feel like we are entitled to an opinion on everything. Honestly, its widespread one mom will post a pic of something they don't agree with, and it will go viral.
I've seen moms take screenshots of their own friend's posts and then mock them in mom groups. Posting a pic of your child these days can be nerve wrecking because someone may think your dog is dangerous or that your child should not be wearing something.
There is also a trend of backlashing at a mom who has commented out of concern. The other mother flips out, and her friends slam her. Both sides of the argument pound away at the keyboards with their claws out.
A few years ago a well-known blogger posted a picture of her child in a car seat wearing a puffy coat, and it went viral when she went bonkers because someone said in a very nonjudgmental way in my opinion that her toddler should not wear a jacket in the car seat. Said blogger went a profanity-laden rant.
In all honesty, if you see something that is a safety concern its more respectful to send a private message, not a comment. With some settings on social media accounts, people cannot message you if you're not friends. Sure calling a mom out in the comments is a social flub but certainly not worthy of so much drama.
We have gotten so defensive we cannot even see when someone is trying to help us rather than shame us. Car seat safety is a touchy subject for a lot of moms, and many states are finally changing their laws to catch up with what car seat experts are saying. There are a lot of misconceptions out there, and car seats are hard to install. Do not be hard on parents, mistakes happen and can be corrected.
Instead of taking someone saying hey your chest clip is loose or you should not wear a puffy coat when you're bucked up as a concerned parent helping another out some moms go ballistic. Sometimes a tip can come off as rude. It doesn't mean they are wrong though.
That blogger flew off the handle and then shamed the mom who simply made a comment that was coming from a place of concern. She ended up making herself look bad.
Sorry not sorry unless the other parent is saying you're a stupid cow who is trying to kill your kids this is one subject we need to learn to gauge what offensive is.
We need to learn not to offend so easily. On the other hand, we also need to know that we are not entitled to an option on everything.
Its ok to warn someone who is about to walk into a dangerous situation especially because we may have saved their lives. So how is this any different? Yes, there are some Sanctimommies out there, but when reading what someone writes, we cannot gauge the tone because we cannot hear their actual voice so unless they say something that is apparently rude we should learn to pick our battles.
Pregnancy and childbirth shaming is a pretty low blow. If you’re not the mother's doctor or midwife refrain from commenting on a new mom or pregnant woman's diet, lifestyle, and birth. Pregnant woman or a brand new mom's choices during her pregnancy or her birthing plans are private. If a pregnant woman chooses to have a cup of coffee, it’s not your business.
Home birth versus hospital birth, not your choice. C-section or natural birth none of your damn business enough said. Edipural none of your business. Mom wants to eat a gallon of ice cream none of your business. Want to comment on the new mom that had a C-section just STFU about it. Don't ask if someone is breastfeeding or comment on it if they are. Or tell someone if they pick up a crying baby they will spoil it. Spare us the if your partner doesn't give the baby a bottle of whatever they will never bond.
Enough already. Not your body. Not your kid. Not your family. Not your choice.
Working mom versus stay at home mom. It doesn’t matter if it's a work at home or a stay home mom or a mom who works 9-5 at any job outside the house you have no right to say anything. Don’t remark to stay at home mom that it must be nice to have a stay home all day and do nothing. Don’t mention to a working mom it must be nice to get away from your kids. Every family is different; every situation is different. You don’t know the financial aspects. You don’t know anything so refrain from commenting.
Making comments to families that don't think the same as yours. Your friend homeschools her kids, and you don't think her children will socialize enough shut it. She's the mom you don't know everything. Think your friend should not let her son wear pink and play with dolls? Can it. Know a mom that takes the kids to McDonald's drive-through for meals? None of your business. She is feeding her children. Not yours.
Mom's shaming the moms who don't want their kids to share is just crap. We’re adults if you drive up to my house in a Porsche and I decide I want to take it for a spin, you’re not going to give me the keys because it’s not fair and you should share. If a mom believes her children should not have to share and you don’t like it then don’t comment on it. If you want to teach your kids to share that’s your decision you’re the parent. If you don't like a mom that doesn't force her children to share, don't have playdates at their house then.
I don't get it, but I know a mom who had someone go off on her because her children were playing with their sand toys at the park. Another random kid came up and took the toys out of their hands and would not give them back. The kid's mom got pissed at her for asking her child to return the toys. She went into her mom group on Facebook to talk about it, and they bitched the Mom out for not knowing any toys you bring to the park are fair game, and she should have brought extra toys for other kids.
So now we're at the point where a situation had it been adults taking each other's stuff the police could have made an arrest but because its kids the mom who had her shit taken is a greedy bitch. If we went to the park and I took your purse would it be fair game? No. It has just gotten to the point where we love telling people they are wrong. Mom-shaming has gone so far that now if a mom tries to apply real-world rules to kids shes wrong.
I see moms shamed for not forcing their children to kiss and hug family members. Now teaching body autonomy is bad.
Mom's who would like a few weeks without visitors after giving birth to recover and bond with baby is a cold-hearted bitch. Now we're telling people they have to receive guests when they are not willing to.
School drop off, or volunteering for moms can be miserable. Some moms make the whole six years your child is in elementary school miserable for you. If you're not wearing makeup, someone has a problem with it. If you like to go full glam in the morning, you wear too much makeup. It doesn’t matter how you look damn it.
Some room moms make it into a competition. They must have the best teacher gifts but ask you to chip in when you were planning to give the teacher a gift card, taking over projects, and sending home a new flyer asking you to do something new every week. Some moms never give the other moms a chance.
Some moms volunteer and some don't. It's not a competition. Some moms work. Some moms do not get any help at home. We all do the best we can.
Some of us cant send juice boxes and snacks because we're struggling to keep food on our tables yet the mom who doesn't send in this or that is cheap and doesn't help.
The mom with the kid with a food allergy is not trying to make it hard for you to pack a lunch. She's trying to keep her child alive.
I miss the good old days of not having a bunch of strangers commenting on my parenting choices.
If my kid stays up past 9, I am not a bad mom. If I don't give my kids milk by choice, I am not starving them. If I baby wear and use cloth diapers my child will learn to walk and won't have deformed hips. If I cannot afford to send my kid to preschool or just do not want to my child will not be stupid.
You have no clue what goes on in someones home. If my house is messy, it does not mean I am lazy. If my house is clean, I am not a control freak or have a housekeeper. If my kids wear the same clothes every week, it doesn't mean I'm poor. If my child gets a cavity, it doesn't mean I give them sugar straight from a ten-pound bag.
See a child about to run into the street? A baby locked in a car in a parking lot? Find a lost child at Target? See mom who is nursing and someone is harassing her? A mom who has a child that is crying in the middle of the store and others are giving her dirty looks. Then that's your business.
Help kids when they need it and know when to consult their parents and let them know what is going on when it's not. Help another mother out regardless how you feel about nursing in public. We need to stop overstepping our bounds and treating other parents like crap. Assist the mom that is trying to buy food at the grocery store. Smile at her chances are your kid has thrown a fit in public too. Chances are you did it too.
Seriously do we see other fathers in the proverbial pissing contests? Siccing their friends on each other? No, because the problem is women are so damn unkind to one another, and it has to stop.
We have all done this at least once. Said something we should not have or judged someone and that mom she can see it in our faces. Enough already. The next time a post triggers you turn off your device. See a mom doing something you don't like at the park zip your lip.
Lead by example. Other moms will pick up on it. Perhaps your kids will too, and maybe mom-shaming will be a thing of the past.