The Sorry Not Sorry Truth About Mom Shaming
/Mom shaming is a trend that’s been around forever. My eldest is almost twenty-one, so I’ve been doing this for quite some time. Mom-shaming has been around pretty much since forever. In recent years mom shaming is spiraling out of control.
In the nineties people said nothing to you about your parenting choices or shamed you. People were helpful and not judgmental.
If something were wrong or inappropriate, someone would help. But fewer people got involved. Everyone seemed to understand how rude it is to tell a stranger how to live their lives.
Mom-shaming used to be an annoying but well-meaning person. Or someone overstepped their bounds but a complete stranger interjecting rarely happened.
Because the Internet is a huge part of our lives that entitles us to an opinion on everything. This is widespread mom will post a pic of something they don't agree with, and the picture will go viral.
Moms take screenshots of their own friend's posts and mock them in mom groups. A Facebook pic of your child these days can be nerve wrecking. Because someone may say your dog is dangerous or that your child should not be wearing something.
Another issue is shaming a mom who has commented out of concern. The other mother flips out, and her friends slam her. Both sides trade insults online because a Facebook post is that meaningful. Yelling at a stranger online will not change their opinion.
If you perceive something as a safety concern its more respectful to send a private message. With, some settings on social media people cannot send a message to you if you're not friends. Hence the influx of stupid comments. Sure calling a mom out in the comments is a social flub but not worthy of drama.
We have gotten so defensive we cannot even recognize when someone is trying to help us rather than shame us. Car seat safety is a touchy subject for a lot of moms. In many states are changing their laws to catch up with what car seat experts are saying. Many misconceptions exist, and car seats are hard to install. Do not be hard on parents, mistakes happen and people can learn.
Someone who says your chest clip is loose or you should not wear a puffy coat may be a concerned parent. Still moms go ballistic before trying to gauge if the person is being rude. Sometimes a tip can appear rude. Even if someone appears rude doesn't mean they are wrong though.
A famous blogger flew off the handle and shamed the mom who made a comment coming from a place of concern. Her mom shaming rant went viral. She ended up making herself seem bad.
Unless the other parent is saying you are a stupid cow trying to kill your kids, we do not understand the intent. We need to learn to gauge what offensive is.
It's ok to warn someone about to walk into a dangerous situation because we may save them from harm. So how is this any different? Sanctimommies exist, but when reading what someone writes, we cannot gauge the tone. We cannot hear their actual voice so unless they say something that is rude we should learn to pick our battles.
Pregnancy and childbirth shaming is a low blow. If you’re not the mother's doctor or midwife refrain from commenting. A pregnant woman or a brand new mom's choices during her pregnancy or her birthing plans are private. If a pregnant woman drinks a cup of coffee that's not your business.
Home birth versus hospital birth, this is not your choice. C-section or natural birth none of your damn business enough said. If a mom has an Epidural, it's none of your business. Mom wants to eat a gallon of ice cream none of your business. Want to comment on someones C-section STFU. Don't ask if someone is breastfeeding or comment about if they are. Or tell someone if they pick up a crying baby they will spoil the baby. Spare us the if your partner doesn't give the baby a bottle of whatever they will never bond.
Not your body, kid, or family you get no say.
Work at home or a stay home mom or a mom who works 9-5 at any job outside the house say nothing. Don’t remark to a stay at home mom how nice it is to stay home all day and do nothing. Don’t mention to a working mom she should quit or ask her if she misses her kids. Every family is different; every situation is different. You don’t pay the bills. You have no clue so refrain from commenting.
Do not make comments when you disagree. Your friend home schools and you wonder if her children will socialize enough shut up. She's the mom. Think your friend should not let her son wear pink and play with dolls? He is not your child he is hers. The mom that takes the kids to McDonald's drive-through for meals? What someone feeds their child is none of your business. She is feeding her children, not yours.
Mom's shaming the moms who don't want their kids to share is just crap. We’re adults if you drive up to my house in a Porsche and I decide I want to borrow your car you will not give me the keys. The be fair and share sentiment does not apply right? If a mom does not force sharing and you don’t like that, then don’t comment. Teach your kids to share because that is your decision and you’re the parent. If you don't like a mom that doesn't force her children to share, don't play at their house then.
I don't understand a mom chewed me out once because my children were playing with their sand toys at the park. A kid took the toys from my kids hands and would not give them back. The mother got pissed at me for asking her child to return the toys. I told my mom group on Facebook and they chewed me out for not knowing any toys you bring to the park are fair game. I must bring extra toys for other kids. Spare me the drama that is beyond extra.
If adults took each other's stuff the police would arrest us. But because the mom stands up for her kids is a greedy witch. If I took your purse would your purse be fair game? What messages are we sending our kids? We love telling people they are wrong. Mom-shaming has gone so far that now if a mom tries to apply real-world rules to kids she's wrong.
Moms are shamed for not forcing their children to kiss and hug family members. Now teaching body autonomy is bad.
A Mom who wants to recover and bond after birth has to walk on eggshells. If she asks for no visitors, she is a cold-hearted *itch. Now we're telling people they must receive guests when they are not willing to.
School drop off, or volunteering for moms can be miserable. Some moms make the whole six years your child is in elementary school miserable. If you're not wearing makeup, someone has a problem with you looking dumpy. If you like to go full glam in the morning, you wear too much makeup. How someone looks is not your concern.
Some room moms compete they must have the best teacher gifts. They ask you to chip in when you were planning to give the teacher a gift card. She is taking over projects and sending home a new flyer asking you to do something new every week. Some moms never give the other moms a chance.
Some moms volunteer and some don't. It's not a competition. Some moms work and cannot help. Some moms get no help at home. We all do the best we can.
Some of us cannot send juice boxes and snacks because we're struggling to keep food on our tables. Yet the mom who doesn't send in food is cheap.
The mom with the kid with a food allergy is not trying to make it hard for you to pack a lunch. She's trying to keep her child alive.
I miss the good old days of not having a bunch of strangers commenting on my parenting choices.
If my kid stays up past 9, I am not a bad mom. I don't give my kids milk by choice; I am not starving them. If I baby wear and use cloth diapers, my child will learn to walk and won't have deformed hips. If I cannot afford to send my kid to preschool or do not want to my child to be attend, my child will not be stupid.
You do not know what goes on in someones home. If a house is messy, it does not mean the mom is lazy. If the kids wear the same clothes every week, it doesn't the family is poor. If a child gets a cavity, it doesn't mean mom gives them sugar straight from a ten-pound bag.
Is a small child about to run into the street? Is a baby locked in a car in a parking lot? Find a lost child at Target? See a mom who is nursing and someone is harassing her? The mom with a child crying in the middle of the store and others are giving her dirty looks. Then that's your business.
Help kids when they need help. Consult their parents and tell them what is going on when you are uncomfortable. We need to stop overstepping our bounds and treating other parents like crap. Help the mom trying to shop at the grocery store which means being a decent human being. Smile at her chances are your kid has thrown a fit in public too. Chances are you did it too.
Do we see fathers siccing their friends on each other because they do not agree? No, because the problem is women are so unkind.
We have done this at least once. Said something we should not have or judged someone and that mom she can see it in our faces. The next time a post triggers you turn the device off. Witness a mom doing something you don't like at the park zip your lip.
Lead by example other moms will pick up on it. Mom-shaming will become a thing of the past.
