To The Mom Struggling With Social Distancing
/The world seems crazy right now. Especially the past few weeks. Things have changed quickly and as a mother our new reality is scary. A lot of us are turning to social media. Why? In local groups people are posting which stores have what. We want to see how our friends and family are doing. Some want tips on activities for kids. We will be inside for at least two weeks. Some are here for the memes. You must laugh once in a while, right? Me, I am looking for food and remote work.
Our lives have changed drastically over the past few days. Things went from being concerning to alarming. The hardest part for me as a mom is feeling unsupported by my peers. I went to a local mom group for support only to realize if I said what was on my mind, I would whip those moms into a frenzy and likely get an online bashing.
Where’s the mom’s who didn’t want to be inside? I am not confident I cannot last 2 weeks at home with my family. The other moms are more worried about schedules and YouTube Channels for kids. Some of us are dreading two weeks of isolation. No matter how hard some of us try, these next few weeks will be hard. Some kids won’t stick to a schedule or like YouTube. It’s not that easy for some moms and kids.
So if you are feeling scared, alone, frustrated, and plain annoyed, I am here to let you know it’s ok. These fears and concerns are normal, even if no one else is saying it right now.
It’s ok if being stuck inside with your children is something you struggle with and find those colorful schedules to be unrealistic. Look, you cannot spend twenty-four hours a day every day with someone even if you made them and not tire of each other. Binge watching, game playing, art, dinners, and story time can be exhausting.
Pic Credit: Unknown
Look, every mother needs a break from her kids once and while. Same goes for kids sometimes they need space from mom. It is healthy to spend time apart. I cannot stand those people that say its time reconnect as a family, but they are not wrong, even if they are annoying. Yet they forget one thing that people need personal space and this situation does not allow that.
So if spending two weeks in the house is making you crazy and after day one you want out you are normal. If anyone tries to shame you for feeling like you need a break, they are the one with the problem, not you. If this means once the kids are asleep you stay up insanely late reading a book or watching tv to help you feel you are getting a break then do it.
It’s ok to sleep in late right now. We all could use extra sleep right now. Let the kids sleep in. And it is ok to let them watch some tv so you can go to the bathroom alone or take a shower. If the kids eat cereal for dinner so you don’t have to cook, that is ok too. Do what you need without feeling bad. Cereal is fortified with vitamins and minerals, so it is not all bad. Be kind to yourself. Also, it's ok to not enjoy every moment with your kids.
It’s ok to worry that your marriage or relationship won’t survive this. You can love someone and not want to spend every waking moment with them. We need to be around people. That means people that are not our spouse and kids, even if you do not interact. It is normal when the only other adult in the home is there 24/7 and is driving you nuts.
You notice the little habits you forgot drove you crazy, or perhaps you were not getting along before this all started. There are other factors here that can aggravate the strain in a relationship I will address later. It is normal if you worry you will argue with your SO or worry this social distancing thing will be the last straw.
You are not alone in this. Many mothers are in the same boat. Hang in there mama.
Money is another issue weighing on a lot of our minds. A lot of business and workplaces have closed. Not all of them are letting their employees work from home. Some employers are paying their employees, but many are not. While everything else is closed, we still have rent/ mortgages to pay, right?
Yes, there is Unemployment Insurance during the outbreak. But how much will we get? When will it come? It is normal to worry about money right now. It does not make you selfish, and it is not wrong to worry about how you will make ends meet.
We come to the biggest issue food and supplies this one is tough. The panic buying screwed a lot of us over. I know what it is like to drive to 6 stores to buy enough food and supplies for a few days. Let alone weeks! I live in an apartment we have no room to hoard food and water. Besides that, I only bought what I needed at that moment. I was not trying to be greedy.
Here I am worried about food still. How will I pay for it? Can I even get some next week when we run low? What about cleaners and soap? My middle child has asthma. My home needs to stay sanitary, we need supplies. Then I think about my parents and feel bad about worrying about myself. If this sounds familiar, it is normal.
I worry about food often, and others do too. We know that many people, especially the elderly or those who live paycheck to paycheck, likely have it worse. It is ok to worry about your family; it does not make you wrong. As long as you buy only what you need.
You can have enough supplies for now, and still worry about the future. It is normal, and you are not greedy. The images we are seeing are scary. The panic buying has not stopped and stores are being wiped out. There are moms who have no wipes, diapers, or formula. So many people in my local groups have no toilet paper. We cannot get soap. Hand washing is crucial. But there is no soap. So worries about food and supplies are normal.
In a nutshell, things are uncertain. And that is stressful, so having to be inside with your kids can feel like a burden. They are bored, and you are too. You want to be anywhere but home. Many would love to escape home and reality for a few hours. We wonder, what if we went to the movies and snuck stuff in? Bought tickets online. Sat 6 feet away from others. Touched nothing. Talked to no one. Would we be safe? Then instantly feel like a terrible mother for even thinking that. It’s normal.
It is ok to not feel ok right now. It does not make you a bad person, selfish, or a bad mom. This situation is stressful and having kids that are with you 24/7 can compound that. You already have so much on your mind and then your kids whine or fight and you feel like this is too much. There are mothers who feel the same.
Vent away. In my comments section or on Facebook. Wherever you can, just say I am done and holding in my feelings and I don’t care if someone else doesn’t like that. Write it in a letter and rip it up. Just do not hold it in.
The key to making it through these next few weeks is to be vocal in a safe space. Let your worries out where your kids won’t hear or see them. It may not solve your problems but you will feel better, I can promise you that. All of us stressed out moms are in this together and since we’re not going anywhere for a while it’s ok to say that sucks.
Someone has to say it out loud. It is ok for mothers to complain about whatever they want right now and say solidarity sister to her. Even if you do not agree right now, you should be supportive to other mothers. We are judged enough as it is.
